To help a child who is afraid of the dentist, stay calm yourself, prepare them with simple and positive words, avoid threats or bribes, and choose a dentist used to treating children. Short, gentle first visits, praise for small steps and early check-ups, before any pain starts, usually make fear fade over time.
Why children are afraid of the dentist
Fear of the dentist is very common in childhood and is not a sign that something is wrong with your child. Young children are naturally wary of strangers, unfamiliar rooms, bright lights, new sounds and having someone close to their face. Lying back in a chair and opening the mouth can feel like losing control.
Fear often has a clear source. A painful toothache, an earlier difficult treatment, stories heard from brothers, sisters or cousins, or a parent’s own anxiety can all teach a child that the dentist is something to dread.
How fear shows at different ages
- Toddlers (1 to 3 years): crying, clinging to a parent and refusing to open the mouth are normal at this age and do not mean the visit has failed.
- Preschool children (3 to 6 years): fear often comes from imagination. Questions such as “Will it hurt?” or “Will they take my tooth out?” are common, and a stomach ache or trouble sleeping before a visit can appear.
- School-age children: they may hide their fear, become quiet or ask to go to the toilet again and again. They usually respond well to clear explanations and a sense of control.
- Teenagers: they may feel embarrassed to admit fear, or worry about how their teeth look. Respecting their privacy and letting them speak to the dentist directly often helps.
Before the visit: how parents can prepare
Preparation works best when it is short, honest and calm. A long speech the night before can create more worry than it removes.
- Start early. A first visit around the first birthday, or when the first tooth appears, lets a child meet the dentist when nothing hurts. Our guide to your child’s first dental visit explains what happens.
- Talk about it a day or two before, in simple words: the dentist will count your teeth and check that they are strong and healthy.
- Play “dentist” at home: take turns counting teeth with a toothbrush, or check a favourite toy’s teeth.
- Choose a good time: a morning appointment, when your child is rested and has eaten, is usually easier than the end of a long day.
- Keep your own feelings in check. If you are anxious about dentists yourself, it may be better for the calmer parent to come along.
Words that help and words to avoid
The words adults use shape what a child expects. Avoid frightening words, and never use the dentist as a threat (“If you eat sweets, the dentist will give you an injection”). Promising a big reward for being “brave” can also suggest that something bad is coming.
| Instead of | Try |
|---|---|
| “It won’t hurt at all” | “The dentist will be gentle and will tell you what they are doing” |
| “Needle” or “injection” | “Sleepy medicine for your tooth” |
| “Drill” | “A little brush that cleans the tooth” |
| “Don’t be scared” | “It’s okay to feel a bit worried. I’m right here” |
What a paediatric dentist does in the chair
A paediatric dentist (a dentist with additional training in treating babies, children and teenagers) uses simple, well-established techniques to build trust:
- Tell, show, do: the dentist first explains an instrument in simple words, then shows it, for example on a finger, and only then uses it in the mouth.
- A stop signal: the child agrees on a sign, such as raising a hand, to ask for a short pause. Feeling in control lowers fear.
- Praise for every small step, such as sitting in the chair or opening wide.
- Distraction: talking, counting or a short story can keep attention away from the procedure.
Honesty about pain matters. Check-ups and cleaning are usually painless. When a filling or other treatment is needed, the dentist uses local anaesthesia (a numbing injection), often after applying a numbing gel to the gum first so the injection is felt much less. A child may feel pressure or vibration, but should not feel sharp pain; if they feel uncomfortable, they can use the stop signal, and the dentist can pause or add more anaesthetic.
When fear is strong: step by step, and other options
Some children need several short visits before any treatment: a first visit just to sit in the chair, a second to have the teeth counted, then a simple cleaning. This gradual approach builds confidence, and the time it takes is time well spent.
Avoiding the dentist altogether, however, often makes fear worse: small problems grow until a child arrives in pain and needs a longer treatment. Decay in baby teeth can cause pain and infection, as explained in our article on whether cavities in baby teeth should be treated.
For a very young child, a child with special needs, or when a lot of treatment is needed, other options exist, such as inhalation sedation (a light “laughing gas” that helps the child relax) or treatment under general anaesthesia in a hospital setting. These are decided case by case, after a full assessment and a discussion with the parents.
After the visit and at home
Whatever happened in the chair, end on a positive note. Praise your child’s effort rather than the result, and avoid retelling the difficult moments in front of them.
The surest way to reduce fear in the long run is to keep visits easy, and that means preventing decay: brushing twice a day with fluoride toothpaste, limiting sugary snacks and drinks, and regular check-ups. Our practical guide to preventing tooth decay in children gives simple daily routines.
Children’s dentistry at Ajam Dental Clinic in Tripoli
At Ajam Dental Clinic, all dental care for children, from babies to teenagers, is handled by Dr. Soumaya Ajam, who holds a University Diploma in Paediatric Dentistry from Université Saint-Joseph de Beyrouth. You can read more about our children’s dentistry, from check-ups to the treatment of decay.
Families come to our clinic on Fouad Chehab Boulevard from across Tripoli (Azmi Street, Al-Maarad, Al-Nour Square and Bab al-Ramel) as well as from Koura, Zgharta and the rest of North Lebanon. If your child is anxious, let us know when you book so the first visit can be planned calmly. Contact us by phone or WhatsApp to arrange a consultation.
Frequently asked questions
Should I stay in the room with my child during the visit?
For babies and young children, a parent usually stays in the room, and many toddlers are examined while sitting on a parent's lap. For older children, it varies: some cooperate better when they have a direct relationship with the dentist, while others feel safer with a parent close by. The best approach is to ask the dentist at the start of the visit and follow their lead. If you stay, sit quietly, keep a calm face and let the dentist do the talking, so your child is not receiving instructions from two people at once.
Is it a good idea to promise my child a reward?
A small, simple reward after the visit, such as a sticker, a favourite activity or time at the park, can be a nice way to celebrate effort. Problems start when a big reward is promised in advance for being "brave", because it suggests that something unpleasant is about to happen. Try not to make the reward depend on a perfect visit either: praise your child for trying, for sitting in the chair or for opening their mouth, even if not everything went to plan. Sweets are best avoided as a reward after the dentist.
My child cried during the whole appointment. Did it go badly?
Not necessarily. Crying is a normal way for young children, especially toddlers, to cope with something new, and dentists who treat children are used to it. A crying child also opens their mouth, which can make a quick check easier. What matters is that the experience stays gentle and that nothing is forced roughly. Afterwards, do not dwell on the tears or describe the visit as a disaster in front of your child. Focus on what went well, and remember that most children become more relaxed with repeated, routine visits.
What happens if my child refuses to open their mouth?
For a routine check-up, the dentist will usually try gentle techniques first: counting teeth as a game, giving the child a mirror to watch, or letting them hold an instrument. If the child still refuses, it is often better to stop and try again at another short visit than to turn the appointment into a struggle. When treatment is really needed and cooperation is not possible, the dentist will discuss other options with you, which may include sedation or treatment under general anaesthesia, depending on the child's age, health and the amount of treatment needed.
Can my own fear of the dentist affect my child?
Yes, children pick up a lot from their parents. Fear of the dentist often runs in families, partly because children learn from what they see and hear. You do not need to hide every feeling, but try not to share your own bad experiences in front of your child or use words like "pain" and "needle" when talking about the dentist. If you feel very anxious, it may help if another, calmer adult brings your child to the appointment. Looking after your own teeth with regular visits also sets a reassuring example.
Should I wait until my child is older and less afraid?
Waiting is usually not a good idea. Fear rarely disappears on its own, and delaying check-ups means that small problems, such as early decay, can go unnoticed until they cause pain. A common way for fear to start is a first visit made because of toothache, followed by urgent treatment. Short, regular check-ups from an early age, when nothing hurts, allow your child to get used to the dentist in a relaxed way, and allow problems to be found and treated while they are still small and simpler to manage.
Have a question about your teeth?
Send a WhatsApp message to Dr. Abdel Rahman Ajam or Dr. Soumaya Ajam, or call the clinic to book a consultation.
This article provides general information for patients. It does not replace an examination by a dentist, who can advise you on your own situation.